The Storm
Where the wind blows
- just don't know
Where the tides rise
- little pebbles of life
Where the view bends
- the colors all end
Where the sky reaches down
- like fingertips to drown
Where to see the soul
- where the wind blows

Comments:
 
Mary   Mary wrote
on 6/1/2009 12:50:06 PM
I like this it is simply written yet conveys so much more.

Starlingpoet   Starlingpoet wrote
on 6/1/2009 3:44:29 AM
I have a few suggestions -I hope you will take from them what you want and discard what you don't. First I have to say that your poem is beautiful -I just see some details that might make it read smoother. In lines 1, 3, 5 and 6 - I would take out "the" for ex: Where wind blows. In line 5, I would change it to: Where views bend -then it will be the same as the next line bend and -end-which has no "s." The very last line - starts with the word where and if you look back over the poem the word where is every second line -so it looks a little out of place. My suggestion is - as the wind blows. I know you had the 1st and last lines the same but this is only an observance and I hope you can ignore what you don't agree with. Thanks and please when you have time I would welcome any suggestions you may have on my poetry.

StarPoet   StarPoet wrote
on 5/29/2009 12:02:04 AM
I like your observation of the storm. When you stop and think of a storm, there are many factors that make it happen. So too are our lives.

WAN   WAN wrote
on 5/28/2009 9:44:14 PM
thanks. I can better understand it now:) T.c

JimWisneski   JimWisneski wrote
on 5/28/2009 8:55:37 PM
Thanks for the comments - allow me to clarify: This poem is me watching a storm come in over the ocean. Rising tides, the colors end as storm moves in. . . the fingertips are the rain bands touching the sea. The final two lines are seeing the "soul" of storm by seeing where the wind is blowing - meaning the storm moving across the sea to the shore. Hope this helps - let me know what you think.

12
JimWisneski
Poetry
Free Verse
writing JimWisneski
I write because it's how I speak to the world.
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