I Think I Just Saw a Shooting Star
I forgot how to make friends

I have no friends I realized
A few of my good friends were gone out of my sight
because of my fault
of not making efforts to keep in touch with them
I want them to know
It's not that I don't care for them
as they gave up hearing from me
To me, the world is spinning too fast
The moment I am about to open my mouth
to say vowel of my very first word
it is already out of my sense
and far behind I am left
from what I really wanted to say
I remember the time when
making friends was easy to do
even though I admit it was fake
judgemental sentimental anyway
just as holding as a pretty teacup
while observing its delicate rim to see
if there are any crack or chip
Once we discover
we take a look at it
slowly back up
as fast as we can
Sometimes we throw stones at Tiffany's windows
while hiding behind the wall of Trump Tower
I understand the frustration
for once I was there
but I don't struggle anymore
when I think about all these foolish things
I am pretty insane, too
These foolish things crack myself up several times
during the day
making me be a clown in my head
Some people say making too much joke
to call attention like a clown
is a sign of depression
or a type of defense mechanism
against depression
now I have...depression?
I don't shed tears every day like I used to
I don't have isomnia
I try to be fit and to eat healthy
except for my occasional German chocolate cake
Thank God
I never was a dependant of Xanax
Codeine family
speed acid or Columbian gold
not even cigarette alcohol nor sex
No more suicidal thoughts
except for my occasional visit to the edge of this cliff
called, "What's in your mind?"
I close my eyes very widely
to threw myself off that cliff
realizing that my weight is indeed the force
to fall faster
while adding more velocity
according to the law
of gravity!
The moment of falling
I often visualize myself upside down
in the space where 'down' means 'up' and 'up' means 'down'
I float
so I don't struggle anymore
for things I couldn't obtain
for things I don't have now
for people I barely call friends
who don't give a damn
But I do immerse in tears
The moment of falling
For my very good friends
whom I missed being very food friends
who could have been very good friends with

And you were my shooting star

on 3/16/2012 6:44:26 AM
Thank you...I think people have different way to cope with ups and downs and also make decision differently according to their characters and situation. Some drinks, some smokes, some takes pills, some jumps(like me, lol!). Believe me, I know how you feel every time I read your writing. But always remember that you are very worth it!---SUKIE

candyland87   candyland87 wrote
on 3/15/2012 8:06:26 PM
Thanks for the comments- I really like your writing, too. I esp like (in this one) the being upside down- what's up is down and what's down is up- however you worded it. You sound a lot like me in your writing- the style along with feelings. I feel the same about most of my friends, too. Either I slipped- they slipped- but either way- getting back to that point of "great friends" isn't easy.. sometimes impossible. And it hurts.. but that's life, eh. Have a good one!! :)

writing SUKIE
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