Finding another t-shirt
"Paranoia! Paranoia! Everyone is coming to get me!" I should have been singing this song to myself as a lullaby last night.. cause I was a tad on the skittish side. I had two sales men come to my door yesterday, and everything seemed alright.. but then I started wondering things, (just a few things that were odd) but anyways.. Everything is fine. I woke this morning to a new day and happy news. I have lost five pounds in the last week! It's nice to actually see results! It makes me more motivated! Plus, I never had a scale before- and I bought a digital one. :) YEA!!! I'm actually losing weight! I've done one kick boxing class- and one personal trainer intro- I'm feeling good and motivated! Been eating right! I am sticking to it! I am really doing it this time! The longest I've ever lasted on a strict real diet and exercise was maybe three weeks- I'm breaking the cycle of giving up! GO ME! lol> This has given me a new goal.. a new thing to focus on and work towards. I feel more motivated in my life now. I'm not as concerned with all the other things going on. Still waiting for this drug screen and back ground check to come back. I'm not sure if they're going to call me.. or email me.. or what. I have no clue! I'm just waiting. And as for the men in my life... I guess I'm just waiting things out on that, too. I don't really want to think about it or talk about it. I've done too much of that already. It's time to think about me. Get my shit together. Get my priorities and goals established.. and accomplished. I'm always so worried about everyone else.

It's kinda chilly out today.. and cloudy. Not a bright spring shining day... but it's okay. My body is sore from yesterdays workout! I really pushed myself- felt nice! I can either go to the gym tonight with the bf- or go to counseling with my husband... "what to do? what to do?" I ask myself. I've skipped out on the last two sessions. I didn't care too much for the first session. Him and I weren't on the best terms then tho.. and we've had several conversations since then. I just don't care much for the whole thing in general. I don't know what I want to do. I'm happy without my husband.. I get depressed and lonely... but I don't think that has anything to do with the lack of him being around.. I think that was more on my own terms.. paranoid, un-motivated.. worried about job status, etc. This life gets so damn complicated sometimes! I almost can't stand it. Then again, if we knew everything that was going to happen, if we knew the next moves and the outcomes, would we even be interested anymore? Sometimes I wish I had all the answers.. but then again, it would probably make life boring!

Alrighty then-
I'm somewhat bored. There's not much to do.. Well, there's still two loads of laundry to be completed.. a shower to take.. and a sink full of dishes. I hate dishes! They seem to be never ending.. but I've kept up pretty well.. it's only a few meals worth.. not days worth! Not like it use to be! It's not so bad cleaning up after me and my son. When my husband was here and wouldn't help me clean- it was a lot more stressful. When I'm alone and cleaning for my son and I... somehow it's not so bad. I don't have anyone to yell out. I'd ask him to do something- and he wouldn't.. or he'd take two-five days to complete the simple task.. and that was beyond annoying and frustrating. Now I just do all the tasks myself... and I'm good with that. As much as I hate being alone sometimes, I think I am a better person living on my own. This is the first time I've ever really lived on my own. But even now I can't say all alone, because I have a child and dog. You get the picture. It's nice! I like it... :)

Nothing much else has been happening around here.
---Things pending--- Hopefully I'll get good news soon! And hopefully once April 16th comes around- I'll be prepared to start my new job :) Good things will come... :)

I've been awake for almost two hours now.. I've had a protein bar, a glass of OJ and currently working on my second cigarette. I haven't really left my bedroom- I need to get my butt up and moving! Cleaning time! And now phone calls.. Oh! I gotta call the Doctors and make appointments today, too! RIGHT NOW!>Note to self!
Until next time..
Thanks for reading.


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writing candyland87
Life wouldn't be anything without risk taking...

Just a girl
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