The Diamond Ring

 

It took me a long time to forget what happened merely before that summer, I was almost gathering what was left of my parts and collecting what was left of my memories and looking forward towards a new life, where many new opportunities were beginning to appear.

I had just discovered that I fell into that bait, the bait of destruction but I was on the right way to rise up again. At the beginning I felt it was a difficult move to do, but sooner I realized it was just a matter of time, and that everything will be better as soon as I use my eyes to see.

I took my first step towards a new job and I starting feeling secured to start working on my targets, those I failed many times before to start. I was just rising from the underworld, the word of sins and of mistakes.

I knew my journey was long, but disparity pushed me look only forward. I guess I got my new start after long days of self distortion; and after I spent many nights up just looking to the ceiling and wondering what was happening. I had that scary loneliness inside my heart, that loneliness when u loose all what you got and still have to continue; and after long days waiting till the night comes to escape the madness of the day, and the terrifying events every other minute, that used to break my hope within every other breath; and after many weeks of suffer with no one to feel my pain and help me get threw my way.

I was just recovering, getting to know many new faces most of which were the worst faces I have ever seen, though many brought a great hope for me, and getting to know new values and ethics.

I was just healing my wounds and learning new lessons, when I got myself caught to the new hawk, and like a kid enjoys a candy I was moving towards my end without thinking, or even remembering what has happened that previous summer. I was starting to get used to my new life, full of loneliness, when I had the glitter of light shown in front of me when I felt that new girl, she was not one of my considerations, she was not one of my targets, nor one of my motivations, though I came closer without even noticing why that was happening, maybe I missed being in love, maybe I was missing caring about someone, or maybe hawks were just there for such may to be…

It all began with that silly incident when I saw her crying, that when I felt I wanted to hug her tight and catch her breath and collect her tears, to share her sadness and turn all her sorrow to laughers. I don’t know exactly why I stuck my nose to such love, and got her attention that I cared…

A little time passed before I saw myself getting involved in a tied relation I was never to choose, sinking into her stories and actions, getting angry when I saw her being hurt ,and turning mad when every other man comes close to her.

It was a game under our production, the story of that love adventure; I can’t deny I was enjoying it in the beginning, but as soon as we kissed, everything has changed. We just believed the story we created and we believed as no one believed before.

Few days passed before we first met in my house, and few days after we made love, and few weeks after that we were in love, and fewer months after we were not able to separate, we had our memories, and our moments,our bad and good times together, along with many ups and downs, and so many breakups for two whole years, but regardless those breakups, I could never let her go, I could never stop loving her, nor could I stop caring about her.

It seems impossible for me to write down what happened during those two years we spent together because what happened is worth to be lived than told.

Maybe the best to be written is about the long days we spent together in work, as coworkers in love. She were there every day and yet I didn't stop missing her for a second, she was with me even after work days end; we spent our weekdays together and same for weekends.

We had the dream of getting married and building our family together, and we lived the dream with every minute we talked and every minute we laughed and every second we simply turned and our eyes met. We used to have our launch just like two little birds.

I believe as I write that I am just recalling my happy memories with her, and I believe I need a novel to talk about them all.

We just had a simple break up that Friday night; it was supposed to be just like every other one of the hundreds that happened before.It was supposed to be just a break so that we both think, and love would gather us again as it used to do in every time we were apart. It was just about having sometime each alone… and the power of love would push us to come back together.It was just few hours before the next morning when I felt that I missed her in my dream the night before, it was a just a day when the whole dream turned to be a nightmare, when she sold herself to money, when that groom knocked at her door, and she was shockingly ready to start a dream with another.

She let go all my love and all my care, to be with someone who had money, she sold my happiness every time I saw her laughing to someone who could buy her happiness as a jewel, and she forgot all the times I was near her when she was down, tired or sick, and forgot all the times I took her hand and chilled her up again, and gave her hope. She forgot all my sacrifices to make her happy and glad. She forgot that I used not to sleep every time she was not OK.

She simply sold herself to money, and if knew before that money could buy her, I would have never dared to care, nor would I have touched a hair. If I knew that money could make a girl forget two years of love and decide to start her walk with some new one who came from now where, I would have tried to sell myself to money to keep her.

I feel ashamed to remember her, but still I am not able to wake up every other morning unable to believe what I heard, and unable to believe that the girl I adored was cheaper than mud.

I still can’t realize to whom I lost my heart, and my dreams.

I still too can’t believe why I am not able to hate her, I still can’t wake up forgetting that I even knew her.

I still can’t believe that love that made two lovers commit suicide, just because something blocked their way;

That two lovers chosen heaven to be together since life couldn't bless their eternal love; that death was better to them than living their lives apart; was just nonsense to my girl, that preferred to sell her soul to someone who proposed, and smash and leave behind a heart that adored….

Now as I remember, I write down my feelings, hoping the words feels my pain, and asking the ink to tell the words about the love I wrote with blood which has turned dirt when a diamond ring bought my dream-girl…


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